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Written by Dr. John H. Wherry *
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Monday, 01 January 2007 |
Put specific times on your calendar each week when you will spend time with your children. During that time, focus your love and attention on your child.
Use car time to talk with your children. There's no phone or TV to interfere. No one can get up and leave. And kids know they really have your ear.
Plan to eat at least one meal together as a family each day.
Try to spend some time alone with each child every day. One mother takes a daily walk with one of her children. They have time to talk . . . and they both get some exercise.
Look for things to do together as a family. Get everyone involved in choosing how to spend your time together. Sometimes try something new.
Try giving the gift of time instead of just traditional presents for birthdays and other special times. The most priceless gift you can give your children is your time. Leave free time for your kids. The best conversations happen when your child is ready to talk . . . not when you are.
Remember that children love to spend time with you alone. If you have several children, try to spend at least one hour a week alone with each child. In hectic families, children will treasure those moments when they have you all to themselves. In years to come, kids will forget most of the toys you bought them. But they'll never forget the gifts you gave of yourself.
At holiday time, give every child a task for the celebration. Holidays are best when everyone takes part. Make talking together a special part of any holiday. Tell your children how important they are to you.
Have your children think of five places they would like to visit on vacation if they had a million dollars. Tell what five places you would visit, too. Then together try to find out as much as you can about those places. Write to the departments of tourism. Visit the library to find books about your destination. Listen to popular music from the country or state you've chosen. Look for videos at your library or video store.
Author Steffen Kraehmer says, remember the "three R's" of memory-making. They include "rituals," "routines," and the "ridiculous."
* Rituals are very important to children. These regular events can be formal—such as a religious ceremony. Or they can be informal—a special "popcorn" night. Kraehmer says "they provide emotional security and reinforce family bonds."
* Routines help children develop feelings of sameness and security. Having a routine for bedtime can help children go to sleep more easily.
* The Ridiculous includes everyday activities with a twist. Children love to see a family member do some normal activity using a new prop or act. You might dress up as the "Room Fairy" to check kids' rooms. You might serve a chocolate chip lover a huge cookie instead of a birthday cake.
Source: Time Well Spent: A Father's Advice for Establishing a Lifetime of Closeness With Your Child. Prentice Hall Press.
* President of The Parent Institute, parent-institute dot com
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