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Helping Your Child Make Friends |
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Written by Bright Horizon
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Monday, 13 November 2006 |
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For most of us, "being popular" isn't the most important thing we want for our children. Let's face it, there's only one king and queen of the high school prom, and according to Billy Joel, that doesn't always turn out so well. But we all want our children to get along well with others and have some good friends. When it's our child who is playing alone in preschool, chosen last for kickball, not on the A-list for birthday party invites, or always alone even in a large group of children, we worry or even project our own feelings onto the child.
Is attracting and maintaining friendships something we are just born with, or is it a skill we learn? It's actually a little of both. Parents and teachers can help children who have difficulty interacting with their peers. Helping children develop social skills is just as important as teaching them cognitive skills such as learning to read. According to long time early childhood authority, Lilian Katz, "The single best childhood predictor of adult adaptation is not IQ, not school grades, and not classroom behavior but, rather the adequacy with which the child gets along with other children."
What characteristics are important for positive social interactions? Does your child: - See himself as a friend and helper?
- Act in a generally positive and happy way?
- Express her emotions of anger and frustration with words and compromise?
- Demonstrate compassion and empathy for others?
- Take turns?
- Enter groups of children who are already playing?
- Bounce back from rebukes from others?
- Have one or two friends she acknowledges by name and talks about?
- Have a sense of humor?
- Control excessive loudness and aggression?
- Use good nonverbal skills such as smiles and nods?
Keep in mind when it comes to friendships: - Beginning in preschool, exclusionary play is normal: its all part of the "Who am I," "How and where do I fit in," "Who are you," learning process. Our job is to help our children be accepting and be accepted, but not with a heavy hand. Gentle coaching and encouragement is the key.
- Children are different and social skills develop at individual rates. Try to maintain a positive sense of who your child is and relax - more harm can come from too much anxiety and too much pushing or protecting children. Remember, almost all children develop reasonable social skills sooner or later, but life includes a few emotional bruises along the way.
- Quality friendships are more important than quantity. Some children will have lots of friends, others only a few, and shy children may only have one or two.
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