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Effective Praise: Applaud the Effort, Not Just the Outcome |
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Written by Better Kidz
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Friday, 08 June 2007 |
All children carry unique pictures of themselves, shaped in large measure by messages communicated by significant people, especially parents. A child is not born with a self-image; a self-image is learned through experiences beginning from birth.
Applaud effort, not just outcome.
If your child does not make the team, or win the spelling bee, or play the lead in the school play, pat your youngster on the back for trying. While victories are certainly cause for celebration, less obvious achievements should also be noted. Even though your child may not be "first" or "best" or "perfect" in a particular event or activity, he or she should be praised for improving or making an attempt in the first place.
On the other hand, do not overindulge your child with empty compliments. At times, you must make negative or corrective statements. When you do need to correct your child's behavior, be sure to focus on the behavior itself.
For example, instead of saying, "You're lazy!" say, "I'm concerned about your grade in science. What can you do to improve it?" Instead of, "You are a complete slob!" say, "Your room needs to be tidied." Go from there to deliver specific instructions.
Respect your child's unique qualities.
Think about the expectations your parents had for you as a child. Consider whether you are placing the same expectations on your child, even though your youngster has a different array of needs and talents.
Your child is unlike all others and should be loved unconditionally for the separate person he or she is. It is unhealthy to compare your child with friends, siblings, or you as a child. Encourage independence, and respect your child's right to fulfill personal potential. You might be surprised at just how wonderful that potential turns out to be.
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