Learning how to effectively discipline your child is an important skill that all parents need to learn. Discipline is not the same as punishment. Instead, discipline has to do more with teaching, and involves teaching your child right from wrong, how to respect the rights of others, which behaviors are acceptable and which are not, with a goal of helping to develop a child who feels secure and loved, is self-confident, self-disciplined and knows how to control his impulses, and who does not get overly frustrated with the normal stresses of everyday life.
Each child is different; however every child needs to learn limits
Some parents are fortunate to have a child with an easy temperament, who is eager to please, making discipline easy. These parents often don't even need to learn effective discipline techniques, because their child is so compliant, that even ineffective discipline works. A parent of a difficult or strong willed child doesn’t have this luxury. Their children will often argue about everything and test their parents repeatedly, making discipline and daily life hard on all members of the family.
Some parents who have a strong willed child sometimes 'don't know what else to do' with their child. They state that they have 'tried everything.' Time out doesn't work, because he 'tears up his room.' Taking away privileges doesn't work, because 'there is nothing left that he wants or cares about.' And most attempts at discipline turn into arguments or fighting matches.
At this point, parents either figure that either they are doing something wrong, which they can't understand, especially if they have another child that behaves well, or they take it personally and think that their child is 'doing it on purpose.' Usually, neither is true. Other parents continue with the same routines and daily arguments, hoping that the behavior is just part of a stage or phase that the child is going through. Unfortunately, bad behaviors usually don't go away on their own and are not outgrown
All children are different and have different temperaments and developmental levels and a style of discipline that may work with other children may not work with yours. One thing that we need to understand, all children needs to learn in regulating themselves and developing their self control through discipline. Behavior is learned. Correcting bad behaviors as soon as possible is important to help children understand limits.
Setting Limits
Set limits that are appropriate for your child's age and developmental level. Remember that you are in charge and that you will have to say ‘no' to your child sometimes. You should expect your child to cry when he does not get his way. This is a normal way of dealing with frustration in younger children and should be ignored. You should also ignore temper tantrums.
Your child should learn to understand that there are predictable consequences for his actions. Teach them skills to learn limits & expectation in various situations. Setting limits helps children understand what good and what bad, what is acceptable what isn’t, respect them and others, help them organized and develop common sense, help them build good strong sound judgments and provide them skills to behave appropriately.
Modeling & Consistency
You should understand that how you behave when disciplining your child will help to determine how your child is going to behave or misbehave in the future. If you give in after your child repeatedly argues, becomes violent or has a temper tantrum, then he will learn to repeat this behavior because he knows you may eventually give in (even if it is only once in a while that you do give in). If you are firm and consistent then he will learn that it doesn't pay to fight doing what he is eventually going to have to do anyway. Some children, however, will feel like they won if they put off doing something that they didn't want to do for even a few minutes.
Be consistent in your methods of discipline and how you give consequences to your child. This applies to all caregivers involve in child’s life. It is normal for children to test their limits, and if you are inconsistent in what these limits are, then you will be encouraging more misbehavior. Do not offer choices in situations where you child has to cooperate with your rules. For example, instead of saying ‘do you want to take a bath?' you should instead say ‘it is time for your bath.'
Think ahead. Be prepared for what you are going to do and say to help your child understand the consequences of his actions. Don't just wing it, or do or say the first thing that pops into your head. You are more likely to react negatively if you haven't thought out your plan for discipline beforehand. Set up a daily routine for your younger children and try and stick to it each day. This should include mealtimes, snacks, bath and bedtime. Provide a safe environment that encourages exploration, but protects your child. For example, you can prevent your toddler from getting in trouble for opening drawers and cabinets if you have safety locks preventing them from opening. Adi D. Adinugroho, MA
Purdue University, Dept. of Educational Studies – Special Education
West Lafayette Campus - Indiana
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