With summer just around the corner, many children and their parents will soon face the inevitable good-byes that come with transitioning to a new child care room, moving up to the next preschool class, heading off to elementary school, or just graduating to the next grade.  Although these childhood milestones make way for exciting times and proud moments, they can also leave our children, and sometimes even ourselves, with feelings of sadness and uncertainty.

The eagerness of "moving up" can also be accompanied by questions about the transition. "Who will my teacher be?" "What school will I go to?" "Will I have the same friends?" There may just be a vague unease. Change is a part of life and these transitions are learning experiences for children in how to approach new experiences.

How can we help our children preserve and cherish their past experiences while looking forward to a new move and preparing them for the transition?  Learning to be flexible, adjust emotionally, and prepare for new experiences are all essential survival skills (think about your transitions to high school, college, new jobs, etc.). Here are some tips for helping your child make a smooth transition:

• Assess your own feelings and experiences about saying good-bye. Children learn about
  saying good-bye from us. Try to remember what it was like for you to say good-bye to friends, teachers and familiar places when you were young. School is such a formative part of our early lives, many of us can still remember the names of our grade-school teachers. Children look to us for cues about the world. If they see that we are feeling worried or are unsure about leaving, they will most likely have a harder time saying good-bye. Or they may learn from us to "not look back," just go forward and perhaps miss out on holding on to the accumulated relationships and memories.
• Talk to your child about his feelings. It's important for us to talk openly with our children about their thoughts and feelings. Emotional intelligence is nurtured when children learn to understand and reflect on their feelings. Children's views are often unpredictable, but always insightful. The same classmate our child was having trouble with at the beginning of the year may now be one of the friends he will miss most.  Find out what your child is thinking. "Tell me about moving to the next room?" "What do you like best about your class?" Try not to probe or assume that the child is upset. He may be just fine, but if he isn't, acknowledge and accept the sadness or uncertainty your child feels. "Even though we have lots of fun things planned for the summer, being away from your friends can be hard." "I know you're going to miss your teacher, but we can write her a letter."
• Realize that even fun change can be hard. In child care, where relationships are central and each transition involves a major change in classroom structure (ratios and group size) and activities, moving to the next age group can seem major. The transition to elementary school is huge - entry to a new world and a new way of life. After that transition, it's easy to feel like they "went to school there last year. What's the big deal?" But older children may feel even more anxious about next year's academic expectations or making new friends. Ask questions to understand what your child may be thinking.
• As always, recognize that children are different. Our child's temperament and past experiences will affect how she  will deal with change and transition. Some children will march into new situations, eager to explore. Others will need gentle, but firm pushes and coaching. Most will be somewhere in between.