I have learned as a parent and a counselor that self confidence in oneself as a parent produces the best results in parenting your kids. Whether you are praising them or disciplining them, your confidence as a person is crucial for your child to succeed. In fact I believe that the parents' confidence in what they say and do with their child is the most important child rearing tool.

How do you become a more assertive parent?

1.    Write down what you feel or how you feel in a child related situation, and try to express your feelings to your child. For example. Joe is being really disrespectful, rude and obnoxious. The parent thinks of every name in the book to call him. Write down you feelings. One parent might be sad that their son is acting this way, another angry. Angry is a good feeling to have in this case, but write down your thoughts to tone your feelings down or spike them up." You are acting very selfish", for example is better than, "you are acting like a bleep, bleep, bleep." Let your imagination run wild. But do get your feelings out that it isn't ok to continue the behavior. I find when I do this my kids become very respectful. I say just like I would to an adult, "It's not ok to talk to me this way." Then I walk away and give the behavior no attention. (And I feel confident in my doing that.) Confidence is the key. I used to try and analyze it. Save that for later, in a quieter moment.

2.    Seek help in parent support groups, mothers' groups and from friends. Other people can offer you support, and new ideas that you may not have thought of to handle a challenging situation.

3.    A professional counselor can be extremely helpful. Counselors are trained to help people think differently, more productively. Their job is to help one to function to the best of their ability. Their support and guidance can help you to become more confident in your parenting.

4.    Read books on becoming more assertive. There are so many on the topic. Books are really helpful, and usually offer guidance from those who are experts in the field of parenting, or have gone through the challenges of parenting successfully.

5.    Take care of yourself, to build your self confidence. Get enough sleep, eat right and exercise often.

Remember, when you change yourself, you change your world. We are constantly working on ourselves, therefore constantly changing our world.

Ref. www.sallysacks.com