In an hour he swept through five moods. It was raining on this day of a long-planned horseback trail ride. It wasn't fair. It had been beautiful for two weeks—but the nice fall weather had turned cold and wet.

My 11-year-old son is pretty resilient, but this was a huge disappointment. He and his friend had been looking forward to this trip for weeks, and now a day filled with rain would ruin it, and probably make it hard to go at all, since the season was ending.

First he was just angry. He shouted and ranted.

Then he talked about fairness. His voice turned into a whine and he sought justice.

Then he blamed the stables. They had put us off from a date two weeks prior and they were being silly to cancel trail rides because of rain.

Then he blamed himself. “Stuff like this always happens to me,” he said.

Then, finally, he moved on. He began naming a few indoor things he and his buddy might do today, seeking my permission to still undertake something special and different.

I don't know if it is innate or learned, but we all have this method of dealing with adversity. I admire my son's method, mostly since it moved him along past anger and feeling sorry for himself and blaming others—and toward a solution.
   
I'd like him to reach that point more quickly, but I'm satisfied that he finds a way to get over such things. This is his pattern, and this may well be one place where I can't impose mine.

{mostgoogleright}Life, no matter how we plan or what we do or what good luck we have, is difficult. Too often, I think, I haven't trained my kids, in this part of it. We need to learn how to handle adversity—how to be resilient and bounce back.

A friend of mine recently had his large successful business go bankrupt. It was humiliating and threatening to the well-being of his family.

When we got together, I was prepared for him to be shell-shocked and in need of words of encouragement. He wasn't. Instead, he inspired me—talking about how much he had learned and how well life had treated him, how much great support he got and how good that felt, and how he would move on from there.

That is the goal, I suppose. To be able to take adversity, deal with it, and move on to something else, mostly looking at it as a positive thing.

But for now I'm happy that my son must go through these other steps first, eventually finding his way there.

Jim Paterson is a writer and parent based in Olney, MD.
Ref. The Parent Institute