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Page 1 of 2 One of the greatest gifts a parent can give a child is the capacity for happiness. There's a big difference, of course, between instant gratification -- getting the latest Powerpuff Girls watch, say, or a wardrobe full of Nike sweats -- and lasting contentment. Sure, kids love treats, and like grown-ups, need small pleasures to boost their feeling of well-being. But genuine happiness goes deeper: It nurtures your child's spirit, imbuing her with a sense that all's well with the world.
Experts agree that happy children share certain characteristics, including self-esteem, optimism, and a sense of control. As it happens, these traits are easier to develop than you may think. Here, 12 ways to help your child walk on the sunny side of the street. - Have old-fashioned, unstructured fun.
Successful kids are frequently happy kids, but in your efforts to prepare your child for life's challenges, resist the temptation to cram her schedule with too many activities. All kids need a chance to decompress, take a break from playdates and lessons, and simply play freely, letting their imagination guide them. Unhurried time to catch lightning bugs, make snow angels, or watch a spider spin its web enhances your child's sense of wonder and lets him explore the world at his own pace.
Why not slow down your own frenetic schedule, too, and join your child in the pursuit of fun? For inspiration, check out 51 Best Ways to Amuse Kids, by Ellen van Wees (Perigee Books, 2000). You'll find everything from bathtub adventures to doll birthday parties. - Teach her to care.
In order to be happy, a child needs to feel that she is a valuable member of a larger community and can touch people's lives in a meaningful way. Help instill this feeling by giving her plenty of opportunities to reach out to others. Collect some old toys that she no longer wants, and give them to a shelter for homeless families. At the supermarket, ask her to select a few extra grocery items that you can donate to a local food bank.
"Children can learn the joy of helping others at a very young age," says Deborah Spaide,
founder of Kids Care and Family Cares, two volunteer organizations under the auspices of the Points of Light Foundation, a Washington, D.C., organization that promotes volunteerism. Kids Care clubs are sponsored by schools, churches, and synagogues for elementary- and middle-school children, while Family Cares provides at-home and community-based projects for parents with younger kids. "One Family Cares project might be to make Huggy Bears from scraps of clothing for babies and toddlers in a hospital in Tanzania," Spaide explains. "Even a 2-year-old can help stuff the bear and point out where the eyes and mouth go." For more information, log on to www.pointsoflight.org. - Get physical.
Go sledding with your kids, or play tag in the park. Take bike rides together. You'll not only increase your child's strength and stamina but give him reasons to smile. Keeping active helps ease stress and lets kids blow off steam in a healthy way. Fit kids also have a more positive body image; they take pride in what they can do rather than obsess about what they look like. And if you encourage your child in an activity he likes, you'll have given him one more way to have fun. - Laugh it up.
Tell jokes, sing silly songs, poke fun at yourself. Laughter is good for your child -- and for you. One reason is purely physical: When you laugh, you release tension and take in more oxygen, which sends spirits soaring. - Be creative with praise.
Don't just say, "Good job" whenever your child makes progress toward a goal or masters a skill. Be specific; point out the details that you find impressive. Saying, "The way you described the hero in your book report made him come alive for me" or "I like the way you've drawn those trees" is far more meaningful than a rote pat on the back.
Similarly, don't overdo the reward system. "I used to hand out prizes every Friday," says Laurie Rausch Andrews, who teaches fourth grade in West Hartford, Connecticut. "But it got to the point where the kids were more focused on the reward than on doing well." Instead, let your child discover the satisfaction inherent in accomplishing something.
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